To Wish Impossible Things
by HeatherStacieA
Summary: Is Angel REALLY okay after returning from hell?


To Wish Impossible Things~To Wish Impossible Things~   
Angel looked around the strange aura surrounding him. Statues, pictures, flashes   
of red velvet. It all looked foreign, and unreal. He blinked rubbing his eyes   
trying to get them to adjust to the atmosphere. This was his apartment. Or was,   
before he had spent an eternity in the depths of Hell. No, he promised himself   
he wouldn't try to think of that. Promised Buffy he wouldn't think about it.   
Buffy was coming over later, after her rounds of patrol, to talk to him. It had   
been several months since his remembering. Since he had grabbed onto Buffy like   
a life line repeating her name over and over. Emotions, feelings, they were   
still awkward between them. Angel could tell she was trying though. And he, well   
he was trying too. It was hard sometimes. The days he woke up from a   
particularly bad nightmare. Certain dreams, of him in hell, and others of Buffy   
whispering to him before plunging the sword into him. It replayed in his mind   
over and over again, like he was viewing a movie. Rewind, play, rewind play.   
When he woke up he had to fight off the anger he felt towards Buffy. He knew he   
shouldn't be angry with her. Hell, it was his fault. He was the one who had   
tortured her friends, killed Jenny. He clamped down on his emotions. They sat in   
the bottom of his soul like acid eating it's way slowly to his brain. Angel   
shook his head. He had to move on, he had to put the past behind him. But nights   
like these it was hard. It was his second week back at his old apartment.   
Everything surrounding him seemed like and illusion. It had been a life time ago   
that he had been here. Even if on earth it had only been a few months. For him   
it had been hundreds of years. Angel was jolted out of his thoughts by the sound   
of the old grandfather clock striking seven 'o clock. Buffy would be here soon.   
He had to set up. They were supposed to watch a movie together. The movie, some   
light hearted comedy. It was part of her therapy treatment with him. Get him to   
move past the pain, past the sadness with some humor and fun. He wished it was   
that easy for him.   
The VCR needed to be plugged in, and the TV. He needed to microwave the popcorn   
he had purchased earlier. Placing the bag into the microwave he set it to cook   
for four minutes. Angel went to take out a big plastic bowl when he gasped and   
fell to his knees. The microwave began making sounds   
"POP! POP! POP"   
"No, please no, " Angel groaned.   
It was to late the flashback had started. Pain, it was constant. The first   
memory, him on a grassy hill. Flowers were blooming, there fragrance sweet and   
potent. He could feel the cool breeze against his cheek. The sky was beginning   
to glow a faint cabot blue.   
The sun, it was rising soon.   
Panic began to consume him. He was out in the open, no where to hide from the   
sun's torturous rays. He cowered falling to the ground rocking back and forth in   
a curled fetal position. Even in this utter fear, this complete feeling of   
terror that consumed him, he thought only of Buffy. Of how confused and lost he   
felt without her. The stars in the sky began to wink out one by one, and the   
place where the sun kissed the top of the hill was beginning to turn the color   
of slate.   
Then she was there. Smiling down at him, kissing him on the mouth.   
"Angel."   
Her voice brought instant peace in his body. His breathing slowed, and his heart   
rate returned to normal.   
"Buffy, you have to help me out of here! The sun it's rising, I have to find   
cover!"   
Buffy continued smiling at him. Her smile looked like that of a painted doll.   
"Buffy can't you hear me! I need to find cover." The panic was coursing through   
him again.   
And she just stood there with the doll like grin on her face.   
Suddenly the sun was there in the sky. The bright orange fiery ball exploding in   
the sky and raining down on his skin.   
His scream of agony shook the ground. His skin began to bubble up. The bubbles   
began to crack and split, blood pouring out of the wounds.   
Angel could feel the agony of the fire all around him. He was on fire. The   
flames seemed to shoot off his finger tips and land on the grass. And then with   
horror he realized it wasn't flames but his skin turning into ash. Why he was   
still conscious for this he didn't know. He was only aware of the sheer pain   
that possessed him. He watched his fingers fall into dust and float away.   
And Buffy, damnit, she still had that doll grin on her face.   
"Stop smiling, damn you!" He screamed.   
She did stop smiling at that moment and brought out a sword.   
He stared at her in confusion. For a moment his pain was forgotten as he stared   
at the metal object in complete bewilderment.   
Then she reared it back, and then suddenly forward.   
Right into his heart.   
Angel screamed one last scream and looked at her in astonishment.   
"Buffy?"   
Rewind, play, rewind, play.   
The sword was ripped from his body with a strange sucking sound and then plunged   
in again.   
Why? Why wasn't he dead! He wanted to die. It wasn't even the pain from the sun,   
or the pain from the sword. It was the pain of her betrayal. Why was she doing   
this to him? He didn't understand.   
"Buffy, why? I love you!" He was crying but the sword just kept going in and   
out.   
Rewind, play, rewind, play.   
His head started pounding,. Let this be over please, Angel prayed, He couldn't   
take this anymore. Not the physical pain, not Buffy's maniacal thrusts. His   
head? Why the hell didn't it stop pounding? Pounding, pounding.   
"Angel are you in here?"   
The fire, it was fading leaving tingles in its wake.   
"Angel?"   
It was the door. Buffy was knocking on the door. Was this some kind of trick?   
Angel wondered. Angel leapt off the kitchen floor ignoring the smell of burnt   
popcorn in the air. He was sweating. Small tremors wracked his body sending   
small pulses in his hands. Eyes slightly crazed he headed towards the door. He   
wrenched it open only to see a rain soaked Buffy smiling with her hand behind   
her back. That smile, so beautiful, doll like.   
"NO!" He shouted and he watched Buffy's smile fade and her eyes fill with worry.   
  
"Angel?" her hand reached towards his shoulder and he jerked back.   
"Don't-you-touch-me!" He frantically looked around, he had to defend himself.   
She had the sword again, she was going to stab him.   
Buffy's eyes filled with tears. His mental state was regressing backwards.   
"Oh Angel? What happened to you? You were doing so much better!"   
Angel stared at her. "Please, don't stab me again. I can't take it! Why are you   
doing this to me?"   
Buffy looked startled and then showed him the video tape. "Angel, remember what   
we were going to do tonight? We were going to watch a movie. Do you know where   
you are?"   
Looking at her stricken, fear filled gaze upon his face, allowed him to have   
some wisp of sanity to return.   
"Buffy?"   
She nodded encouragingly to him. "That's right, we had a movie date remember?"   
Her voice trembled slightly.   
A flash of shame, and disappointment crashed over him. "Oh, God Buffy I'm sorry.   
I can't believe, I just forgot where I was!"   
Buffy just put her arms around him. "Angel shhh, it's okay. You're getting   
better. It's going to take some time. You're not just going to be a hundred   
percent better over night."   
"God, Buffy, I just wish that I could be normal again. I mean really normal. I   
want to be human, I want to see the sun fill the sky. I want this blood lust to   
fade."   
Buffy was silent for a moment before speaking. "Sometimes we wish impossible   
things."   
Angel looked away. "You've grown wiser, since I-. Since I was gone."   
Buffy touched his arm. "I had to. You learn a lot being on your own. Angel, we   
can't have a perfect relationship. I mean who knows if we can have a   
relationship. I want one Angel, and I'm willing to try. And you'll get better,   
in time."   
"I'm trying Buffy, I really am."   
"I know you are."   
Silence filled the small apartment. They looked at each other and for a moment   
they were only aware of each other. Time stood still and the space around them   
grew smaller. They reached for each other almost involuntary. Slowly there lips   
met in a gentle caress. His arms wrapped around her tightly. He couldn't let her   
go. Not even if he wanted too. She was like a drug. He was addicted to her in   
every way. He lifted her in his arms and carried her to his couch. Laying her   
down gently he kissed her closed eyelids, her cheeks, her lips her throat. When   
his lips touched her throat he hesitated and started to pull away. Buffy forced   
his eyes to meet hers.   
"I trust you." she whispered.   
And it meant the world to him. After all he had done to her friends, to her, she   
still trusted him. A little piece of him healed at that moment.   
Buffy raised her lips to his with eyes closed. Angel, completely helpless to   
resist lowered his lips to hers. Outside the rain continued to fall. Lighting   
filled the room in an eerie glow, thunder shook the sky, but neither of them   
seemed to notice. They were to wrapped up in each other.   
The End.   
Comments? Send too AutumnSun@aol.com   
Get me back to Angel of the Night!   
Get me outta here period! 


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